Older and Wiser

Did you know that Google remembers your birthday? If you're signed in it creates this cute little montage of cakes for your birthday and if you hover over it, it says "Happy Birthday, Lindsey!" or rather, your name if it's your computer and your birthday. Cute!

So, I'm in a bit of a Catch-22. This month, after all the hemming and hawing we've done, we took the plunge and started trying for baby number two. Then smack in the middle of the "two week wait" between ovulation and either pregnancy or period, I got some bummer news from the doctor. Back in high school, I had surgery on my right ear and this past Sunday it started acting up again. I went to have it checked by an ENT yesterday and thought it would be a quick appointment and a total waste of their time. Then I ended up being there two hours, getting a hearing test and having multiple doctors check my ear. They think I might need surgery again and want me to go in next week for a CAT Scan. I just got a letter in the mail today that the CAT Scan's already scheduled and they've asked me to have my records from Portland sent over for them to review. However, if I'm pregnant, then they won't send me in for a CAT Scan and I'll have to wait the better part of a year to resolve the ear problem. 

It's awful; I've been so excited about getting pregnant. Now, part of me is I'm hoping that I am not pregnant so that I can get this all out of the way first. Oh God! Could the timing be more terrible?!

So today, I'm not going to think about it. Except that it's all I can think about. On the way home from swimming with my friend Lucy and her little boys this morning, a homeless man got on the tram and I nearly lost my lunch he smelled so bad. I would take a pregnancy test to set my mind at ease, but it's probably too early to get a reliable negative or positive and then I'd have the extra worry of wondering whether or not it was right. Besides, let's face it, homeless men smell terrible to anyone! I can't seem to stop analyzing and wondering, though. Good thing I've only got a few days until I'll know where I stand. It's starting to eat me up and it's only been 24 hours since I left the hospital for the ENT appointment. :(

My strategy for the moment is to practice deep breathing and  focus on the positives. For example, I live in Switzerland where I have excellent health care and coverage. :) The doctors at the University Hospital clearly know what they're doing and I trust them and feel good in their care. :) Umm...Okay, that's all I can come up with for the moment, but that's still good. Deep breath in, long exhale out. 

The champagne is in the fridge and we have a babysitter tonight. J's mom sent a lovely birthday package to Coco and included a gift for me, which was the sweetest, most thoughtful surprise!! I've saved it for tonight to open it and J has a Kate Spade gift box for me, too. This won't ruin my birthday at all! In fact, it's nice in a way that it makes me feel extra grateful for all the loving, caring people in my life. Cheers to that! xo