Before having Coco, it all seemed pretty simple. We knew we wanted a lot of children. Three at least, maybe even four. And we didn't want them too close together. And we hoped to have a mix of girls and boys. All in all, pretty straightforward stuff, right? Then last week, J and I were sitting on the couch chatting and we realized that it's actually time to start thinking about when we'd like to start trying for the second baby. I never expected this, but it's completely making my head spin!
The many, many head-spinning factors include, but are not limited to:
When will I go back to work? Or will I go back to work at all? And if I don't, what about the baby after that? And is that financially feasible? Oh my God. I think a decade of my life just flashed before my eyes. Yikes.
What about age? I'm 33 and we want lots of children. Problematic. Should have started earlier!
What about help with Coco? My mom is a teacher, so summer is her freest time of year. I'd like to plan for the next baby to arrive in summer so that she can come help out. That means September is the time to start trying... (It seems so soon!)
But what if it takes a while to conceive? We might not be as lucky as last time. As J pointed out, the logical thing seems to be to start trying a month or two early then. But then what if we are as lucky as last time? Spring baby with no help? No thanks!
And what about Coco? It seems weird, but oddly enough, I feel a little guilty when I think about having another baby. "What about Coco?" I always seem to hear myself ask. How can I love her and care for her when I'm tired out of my skull and busy nursing a newborn? I never expected to feel this way, but I do.
So I'm curious. Did you have your children when you felt like it, or was it something you planned out? Did you always feel 100% ready, or were you banking on those nine months as a buffer? Go on, be honest. I would love to hear. ;) xo
I really resonate with your last comment, what about Coco? As an only child myself, but knowing I wanted more than one, I felt so guilty about bringing another one into the picture to take attention from the first. But someone shared with me that though the first child gets parents to themselves, the second child has an older sibling around. That is a gift, and something the first never had as an option. Each child is born into a different, but good family situation. I totally see that with my second. She loves watching her big sister, and it's a joy to see them together. The newborn + toddler days are pretty rough, but it's a joy to have them as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm so relieved to hear you felt the same way. And I love your observation of the older sibling as a gift the first child didn't have! I am feeling more ready all the time. Thank you for your insights! xo
DeleteIt is definitely a big decision to make.
ReplyDeleteWhen we first started trying, we wanted 4 kids!!! Now, I think we will settle for one more....maybe. We go back and forth. I do think, once we are settled in Switzerland next Summer, that we will start trying again. Maybe we will get lucky again (it took us almost two years of trying with Felix, we had a very small chance of conceiving him naturally due to fertility issues). Who knows though? Maybe we will end up with four one day? ;)
I think I am a bit shell shocked from our first experience (post partum depression and no family around), but I know we are more prepared for the next time. I definitely relate to your age worry too...I will be 33 this May....that definitely weighs on my mind too.
I guess my point it...you are not alone with your thoughts! :)
ps... Coco is so damn cute...you are obligated to create more!!! ;)
It's a huge relief to know I'm not alone in these thoughts! I think once you've moved and settled, you will feel ready. :) Moving is a huge deal and pregnancy would be a setback as you'd probably have to postpone (or rush!) the move to fit around the baby. That type of added stress is never fun!
DeleteWe are loving all this feedback - here and on Facebook and via email. :) I think we might move our plan up a few months, just to give a buffer on the back end. That way if we have three kids and we're 38 we can say, "Why not?! Let's have one more!!" instead of being 39 with three and knowing time's up. ;) xoxo